No more weeks of gluten-free hell!

新春快乐！

OK, so unfortunately I haven't had the chance to keep up these updates in the last week. But my three weeks of gluten-free/caffeine-free hell were officially over yesterday. You have no idea how nice it was to come into my office to find two ANZAC biscuits waiting for me! And I had my first cup of coffee in three weeks this afternoon. Man, did that feel good. Phew!

Although I have to say, it wasn't all bad. I discovered various forms of wheat-free muesli (some more dubious than others), which I've been having with yofu (surprisingly yummy, I must say!), and also Nature's Choice wheat-free blueberry bars. I must admit this makes for a much lighter breakfast than my usual bread and houmous. And I haven't had any pasta, which I'm beginning to realize is very heavy and highly over-rated. So I might not revert entirely to being gluten-free-free.

But two more recommendations for you: The Gaucho Grill, Argentinian steakhouse at various locations around London, for some succulent aged fillet steak and humitos, creamy sweetcorn mash. The one in Hampstead has particularly chilled out decor, although they don't have a non-smoking section, which is kind of silly, if you ask me. Secondly, Simurgh in Covent Garden, a great low-key Persian restaurant in which I was forced to celebrate Chinese New Year yesterday, due to all the Chinese restaurants being overrun by mad people. The lamb and lime stew with baby eggplant and yellow lentils, served with three kinds of rice was delicious, although I look forward to trying the duck and pomegranate! Yum! As for dessert, pomegranate jelly with pomegranate ice cream...... and Persian tea with cardamom and mint. But I would suggest getting a table away from the door, as it gets kinda drafty...

Tonight has consisted of roast duck leg with rice and pak choi. Thank you for your attention.....

"He was trying to save both his faces...."
- John Gunther

Three hours of glorious Bach - Day 13

"Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you?"

Really, I just wanna get along.....

Daniel Barenboim celebrated the 50th anniversary of his 1956 London concert début with a recital of both volumes of The Well-Tempered Clavier, no less than 24 Preludes and Fugues, one for each of the major and minor keys. The performance was nothing short of amazing and well deserving of a standing ovation at the end, although this was perhaps as much to celebrate the audience's endurance as the quality of the playing, for it was very much a concert for die-hard Bach devotees... not, I fear, the two rather annoying Americans sitting next to me. Really, lady, do you have to read the entire programme to your husband word for word? Can he not read? Quietly, to himself?? Not to mention stupid comments such as "oh, well Bach wrote that music for 18th century clavier and it wasn't meant to be played in a concert hall on a grand piano, so it probably shouldn't be played any more", which isn't even worth dignifying with a response. The whole of life is in Bach's music, yet underlying it is unrivalled mathematical precision and impeccable technique. Bach's music is more than mere notes on an 18th century clavier; his music says that through logic and reason we can attain the highest qualities of life.

The concert was also remarkable for the prevalence of coughing in the audience. Is it really possible that people cannot go 3 hours without coughing? I find that impossible to believe. I can think of no other setting in society in which people must feel compelled to cough before, during and after each and every one of the 24 fugues. Even TB patients can do better.........

In case you're wondering, roasted tilapia with rice and Greek yogurt, followed by raspberry crème brulée....

Three weeks of gluten-free hell - Day 12

"If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person ever."

Ah! This is much better....

It was all going so well.... but I went to a Moroccan restaurant and it all went pear-shaped. The place in question was Safir in Hampstead. By all accounts this is a good restaurant and I have to say the food was good, particularly the carrot charmoula and lamb tagine with ginger and herbs. The mixed grill was ok, the rice was excellent, but the roasted vegetables it came with were kinda lukewarm. Although I have to admit, I didn't find it particularly good value at 56GBP for two people with two courses and one glass of wine. So I wouldn't go out of my way to go there again, and I have to say Moroccan restaurants are generally not my kinda place- I find all the decor with the plushy cushions and wall-mounted rugs rather oppressive. But no doubt people like that kinda thang....

Anyway, when we got there I was starving, which was made all the more unbearable by the fact that the waitress brought over some fresh Moroccan bread. I barely managed to resist, but then rather foolishly ordered couscous (somehow, I didn't register that this has gluten in it. Really, I'm no good at these diet things!), thereby undoing 11 hard days' work of gluten-free hell. And now I feel like crap. I have no doubt this is entirely psychosomatic and is merely a way to blame all my troubles on couscous.

Darn you, couscous!

Three weeks of gluten-free hell - Day 11

"They say two brains are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none..."

Hmm... this one's not that original, but it has wide application....

So I gotta say, I was somewhat skeptical about the benefits of this gluten-free deal, but I'm beginning to find that I'm sleeping less and have less trouble getting up in the morning. Don't get me wrong, I still blitz myself with my anti-SAD lamp, but it's not as painful.... and I'm not finding I need coffee in the afternoon at all. But it's a little early to say, I think, and there's always the placebo effect to consider, although I doubt that's an issue, as I'm a real cynic about these things, so I'm not actually expecting to feel any difference. Still...

More fruit for breakfast. I'm so annoyed about those unripe apricots that I had to buy some more elsewhere before lunch. Peru must be getting good business from me... then for some very expensive and equally disappointing sushi. Really, lukewarm sushi is the worst thing... won't be going there again. Dinner was a great improvement - stir-fried turkey with chestnut mushrooms, celery and pak choy with rice.

So it was all going well until I remembered......
I have some Spekulatius that I bought in Freiburg a couple of months ago.... just to think of that crisp, cinnamon crunch.... but darn it, I can't have any......

Stupid gluten-free diet... plus, a friend of mine asked me if I'd lost weight! Now, nobody has EVER asked me if I've lost weight. In fact, for the past 10 years I've been trying to put on weight....... I think I need more gluten-free calories.

Three weeks of gluten-free hell - Day 10

"I don't think you're a fool, but what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others?"

This one seems a bit contrived, like it's trying too hard. Not very punchy either.

I don't mean to sound like a fashion Nazi, but this guy on the tube was wearing a bright PINK suit (I didn't even know one could get such a thing) with a full length RED raincoat over it. He was a rather voluminous man, too. I don't say that because I have anything against voluminous people, but rather because the considerable available surface area on display made it all the more startling..... really, I thought people learnt about these things in crayon class....

Anyway, not really making any headway into the whole breakfast thing. I don't really do cereal and, frankly, the thought of gluten-free birdseed isn't particularly appealing. So I'm sticking to fruit. But then my frend wanted to pick up a sandwich mixte and a pain au chocolat from PAUL. Ah... the sound of crisp baguette is enough to make your mouth water.......... but instead I had to go down the road and get some sushi and some very expensive, unripe apricots that I'm sure carry more carbon credits than I do.... they were a rip-off. You know that enticing fruit stall on Hampstead High Street? Don't do it!!

Dinner was more of that chicken, salad, prawn, butternut squash soup deal.... it was late...

Three weeks of gluten-free hell - Day 9

"Don't let your mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own"

Breakfast: 1 apricot
Lunch: stir-fried beef with morning glory and rice, otherwise known as #94. I think the woman must think it's my regular, 'cos she said it as soon as she saw my face.....
Dinner: Chicken, salad, prawns...
Others: darn, those sunflower seeds are addictive.....

Three weeks of gluten-free hell: Day 8

"You're a prime candidate for natural deselection"

Yeah, this one's not so great either...

OK, so no improvement over breakfast, but things are looking better on the snack front; I found some pink melon seeds (I admit that I'm not sure where the pink comes from...), some sunflower seeds, and some tomato-flavoured broad beans that I'm sure are loaded with MSG. So I'll probably die of a heart attack instead, but hey, they're crunchy!

Lunch was more home-made sushi, which would have been much more enjoyable had I actually remembered to take a pair of chopsticks with me - you try eating sushi with a picnic fork.......

Dinner: chicken, salad, prawns, miso......

I'd like to say that I feel better after a week of no gluten. But yeah, I'd be lyin'......

Three-weeks of gluten-free hell - Day 7

"I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter"

Hmm.... this one's unnecessarily mean, I think.

More lychees/grapes/apricots/white tea for breakfast... you might be starting to think this is getting boring. Well, a) I did say you'd be suffering right along with me, and b) you try doing this! Gluten-free breakfast is definitely the most difficult meal...

And I find that with the total lack of snacking, I'm constantly hungry (yes, even more than I was before I had this insane idea....), although with some help from gluten-free girl, I might have cracked this one. Where are these gluten-free pretzels.....

So I found myself snacking on a leaf, tomato and prawn salad... and eggplant and shitaki sushi rolls for lunch.

More steak, more rice, eggplant, tomato, shitake and chilli stir-fry for dinner. You can see I'm a what-you-buy-in-the-grocer-store's-what-you'll-be-eating-for-the-next-two-days sort of person.....

Now then, this turrón doesn't have any gluten......

Three weeks of gluten-free hell - Day 6

"Is your name laryngitis? Because you're a pain in the neck"

I'm beginning to realize that giving up gluten has considerable collateral consequences. I've already mentioned my houmous dilemma, which gets me thinking - what about all the other stuff one spreads on bread? Why the heck would you have butter, or nutella, or fruit preserve if you didn't have any bread on which to spread it? Unless you went Viking and had jam with your joint of wild boar..... which makes me wonder whether giving up gluten actually has any real benefit, or whether it's in fact all the other stuff one is forced to forego that makes any difference (if any of it does, in fact, make any difference). Regardless of which:

Mushroom and chorizo omelette, one pear and a bunch of lychees (I bought a huge box at Berwick Street market for GBP3.50 - what a scoop!), white tea for breakfast.

Late lunch was a bowl of butternut squash soup and more lychees.

Dinner: sirloin steak, grilled asparagus with teriyaki sauce, rice, more lychees, one apricot, bunch of grapes, water.

What the heck do people do for gluten-free snacks?? Suggestions please!

Three days of gluten-free hell - Day 5

"Yet another idiot suffering from diarrhoea of the mouth and constipation of the brain"

Breakfast: one glass of apple and mango juice, three apricots.

Lunch: potato and leek soup, caesar salad (minus croutons......)

Dinner: agedofu, chirashi sushi, miso (I tried to give up the rice, but.....)

Others: Green tea, apple juice, popcorn (I was told there's no gluten in popcorn......)

An insult a day....

Day 4:

I've decided to combine my diet diary with an insult a day, since I got 365 of them for Christmas. So here's today's:

"I never forget a face, but for you I'll make an exception."
- Groucho Marx

Breakfast was a glass of apple and mango juice... but things improved for lunch with spicy California rolls (more rice) and tomato soup. Five spice chilli duck (and rice) for dinner, although I did have some spring rolls, which might not have been a great idea... heck, life's too short. On the upside, my fortune says: "Good things are on their way." Probably referring to three weeks from now, when this gluten-free hell is over.......

Three weeks of gluten-free hell - Day 3

Three hours sleep again. More midnight Milton. This'll be a day to look forward to...

9.20am - banana, green tea (with rice, 'cos I can't get enough rice in my diet these days....)

1.00pm - you heard about lunch yesterday... sushi rice, was that?

8.45pm - chicken, coleslaw and, let's see.... rice....

10.15pm - hmmm.... let's have some more butternut squash.

Dying for some fruit now, but all I have is chocolate. But hey, hot water's back on!

Three weeks of gluten-free hell - Day 2

By the way, I wouldn't recommend you try this diet thing when you have no hot water in the house. You might think a cold shower first thing in the morning is a reasonable substitute for a slow-brew, percolated, fruity, aromatic, comforting cup of Colombian, but trust me, a cold shower is just a shower with very cold water....

But hey, there's still that unripe pear to look forward to! Still haven't come up with a solution to my humous problem, so would appreciate any suggestions. But if anyone suggests those puffed rice cracker things that taste like burnt popcorn, I'll beat them over the head with a packet of Coco Pops straws.....

Lunch is some more butternut squash soup and salmon, which will also comprise my lunch tomorrow (I made a LOT of soup and salmon.....).

I think I need an alternative to rice, too, or I'll end up like a maki roll by three weeks....

Surprisingly, I'm coping ok without my afternoon cup of coffee. Of course, I'm having double the amount of green tea, which probably makes up the caffeine anyway........

Three weeks of gluten-free hell...

Day 1:

So, for no particular reason at all, I've decided to go on a 3-week diet of no coffee, nuts, chocolate or gluten. Or at least, my understanding of gluten, which I take to be bread and pasta and that kinda stuff (you can tell I'm really into this diet business....). Now, for someone who resorts to making their own bread, and who's just received some Vietnamese coffee beans for Christmas.... well, let's just say it's gonna be a challenge......... and you're gonna suffer with me all the way...

My first problem- what the heck does one have as a substitute for bread?? There aren't many things you can have humous with for breakfast! Guess humous for breakfast is out. Banana and under-ripe pear it is then.....

Thankfully, we found a funky new sushi place for lunch... nigiri, spicy tuna rolls, miso soup.... yum!

3.30pm and I have the worst caffeine-deprived headache. Doesn't help that I got about 3 hours sleep last night either... even got to read Book 1 of Paradise Lost at 2am:

"The mind is its own place, and in itself
Can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.
What matter where, if I be still the same,
And what I should be, all but less than he
Whom thunder hath made greater? Here at least
We shall be free; the almighty hath not built
Here for his envy, will not drive us hence:
Here we may reign secure, and in my choice
To reign is worth ambition though in hell:
Better to reign in hell, than serve in heaven."

Which I think is rather apt, for three weeks of coffee-less hell...

Hydrate. Must remember to hydrate.

Butternut squash soup, sushi rice, teriyaki salmon and pak choi for dinner.....

Bring on day 2....

the last straw...

The Coco Pops Straw, in fact.... yes, that's the way to get kids to eat a balanced diet...


The idea, for those of you who may not be up to date with the fast-moving world of breakfast cereals, is that instead of pouring milk onto your cereal (as you oldies might be accustomed to), you pour milk into a bowl and drink it through a Coco Pops Straw and, wait for it, the inside of the straw is lined with chocolate! Isn't that great? Cereals were certainly not that convenient in my day. Good grief, Kellogg's........

See this for a review... alternatively, visit Coco's Island, it's really quite cute...

Coming soon to a Sainsbury's near you. Don't forget to use the self-checkout!

福寿康宁！

Wishing you all a happy, prosperous and successful 2006.

新年快乐！

bam...

Yay! My beautiful new violin case!


If James Bond played the violin, this is the case he'd have. Pay attention, here comes the science bit (http://www.bamcases.com).... high density injected polyurethane foam, triple-ply shell with Airex core, water-proof and, best of all, light. No more lugging my trusty, yet absurdly heavy, solid wood Gordge case around. Needless to say, my violin is very happy suspended in its cozy, yet oh so slick, new home.

I'll be starting my new diet of crackers and water tomorrow.......